We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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