I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
