Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
