Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
