Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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