i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
