So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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