she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
