Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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