i permit you to call me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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