He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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