I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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