he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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