Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
