I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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