But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
