So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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