he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
