i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
