its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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