the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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