you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
