I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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