Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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