For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
