I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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