You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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