My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I cut my penus on the lid.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
