Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
