Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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