I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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