Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
