I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
