He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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