she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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