so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
