thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When did angry sex become our thing?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
