If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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