She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
