If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize