Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
