Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
