he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize