Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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