I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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