Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
