i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
