no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
