Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
