Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
