sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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