Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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