i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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