if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
