I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
