his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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