Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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