New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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