Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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