Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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