I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
