guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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