No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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