Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
