Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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