Pants 0. Shit 1.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
