clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
