Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we're making bets on your personal life
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
