I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
