I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
