I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will pee on everything he values.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
soo... how was my night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
