after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
