did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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