and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
