I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
