I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
