hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
