i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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