walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
