You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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