Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This toilet bowl is my home.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
