I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
