OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
