my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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