You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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