i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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