The maid of honor just puked.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
