dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
