I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
