I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
