Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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