i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
