god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
