whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
