you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
did i walk over a car last night?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
