Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
