dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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