ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
