I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
