quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
