By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
