How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
