Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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