The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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