I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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