Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
