so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
